I don’t know what it is about me, but I have a habit of attracting religious nutters. Do I look like I need to be saved? Maybe, but I don’t need random strangers trying to lure me into their religious cults.

Christian Nutter

My wife and I are traveling around Europe at the moment and were in Šibenik in Croatia last week. My wife was buying an ice cream and I was standing nearby waiting for her.

All of a sudden, a man appeared from nowhere and was right up close to my face asking me where I was from. No introduction. Nothing. Just invading my personal space and wanting to know where I was from. I felt like saying “What the f*@k has it got to do with you?”, but I’m far too polite for that. Well, most of the time.

My first thought wasn’t even that. I thought maybe he was trying to distract me while an accomplice stole my wallet or phone. I check around me but didn’t see anyone else around apart from the general crowds in the area.

I told him I was British. He then said he had a gift for me. Weird, or what? Then he grabbed a booklet from his pocket and told me his wife had written a book in German that had been translated into English.

Perhaps he asked where I was from because he was targeting English speakers. I said thanks but no thanks. He then mentioned something about Christianity. I then had to bluntly tell him I wasn’t interested and to go away. A bit rude? Probably. But I’ve had enough of religious freaks targeting me.

He walked away and then I saw a woman that appeared to be his wife. Or maybe she was a fellow cult member. She smiled meekly and they both hurried away. Probably to look for their next victim.

I noted that they didn’t offer the book to anyone else.

Hare Krishna Nutter

This isn’t the first time this has happened. Some years ago, I was walking along Oxford Street in London one lunchtime. I was stopped by a Hare Krishna devotee. He was carrying a stack of books and handed one to me and said, “Here, take a free book”. 

I told him I didn’t want it but he kept insisting and saying it was free, so I may as well take it. So, I took it.

Then he asked for a donation. He said most people gave around £5. That made me laugh. Some other people may be stupid enough to pay for a worthless book but I wasn’t one of them.

He then told me I’d have to give the book back if I wasn’t going to donate. I told him the book was free and he wasn’t getting it back. No donation either. He then started arguing with me and tried to snatch the book back.

I laughed and told him he shouldn’t go around lying to people. I walk off. Once he was out of sight, I dumped the book in the bin. I probably saved someone from being brainwashed.

There have been other incidents with religious or cult nut jobs but those stories are less interesting.

I’m not religious but have a few good friends that are, so I don’t have anything against religious people. I just don’t like the nutters that want to save me, convert me, get me to join their cult, or try to scam me.

I’ll be even blunter and ruder to the next one that approaches me. It’s the only thing they understand. When I’ve tried to be polite, they just won’t go away. 

So, if you’re some religious nutter, stay well away from me. You’ve been warned.